Harry O; Who do you think you are?

As published by the The Footy Almanac, 14 March 2012

It’s come to my attention there’s a growing band of footy fans out there hating on Collingwood’s Harry O’Brien.  And perhaps surprisingly, based on various fan forums, blogs and social media platforms, Magpie supporters count among the premiership player’s harshest critics.  I’d repeat the meatier nuggets of intelligentsia here but for the profanities and my unwillingness to arouse the interest of legal eagles.

But really, I’m actually staggered the ‘Big O’ doesn’t have more haters lining up to whack him.

I mean, to think an AFL player has the temerity to walk and chew gum at the same time.  What is with all this pinko making a difference, spreading ‘hope through positivity’ piffle? Pfffft to that I say!

As so many couch critics have pointed out, clearly the Brazilian born defender’s sub par 2011 was due to spinning too many plates, and the wrong ones at that (so what if he never missed a training session and inflicted freezing ice baths upon himself every day for recovery).

And what’s with going back to your ancestral roots and visiting Third World countries between seasons?  Hello!  Our indigenous football code is fairly important to a portion of Australia’s mostly overfed 25 million. Surely a more pressing concern than broadening one’s understanding of the crises of hope facing humanity’s enormous underclass?

Then there’s the attempted meeting with President Obama, actual media gigs with the Dalai Lama and Julia Gillard, becoming an AFL Multicultural Ambassador…  And now O’Brien’s jumped aboard the Kony express, of course.   What’s next – venturing into the jungle over the mid season bye and talking down the Ugandan guerrilla army leader with passages from the Bible?

By all means save the world Harry, but now is not the time for such unAustralian behaviour.  As a professional footballer, one’s ample free time should be spent watching Fox Sports, at the TAB and cutting a swathe through Melbourne’s willing female population.   Some good old fashioned counseling is in order.  Time to man up and get jaded, cynical and materialistic.  A binge drinking and recreational drug habit wouldn’t go astray.

If ever there’s a Magpie candidate for a GWS trade, the 2010 All-Australian is it.  Collingwood can’t afford wasting valuable cap space on mere back flankers whom young and impressionable rookies might glean some valuable insight.  Just because Harry overcame considerable racism, an unusual and diverse background, (draft) rejection and more recently personal tragedy, people think there’s substance to his triumph against the odds story.

He even responds to abusive messages positively.  As for those Twitter and Facebook quotes designed to help young fans and inspire today’s youth to achieve something worthwhile…   Please.  Just stick to telling us which Richmond cafes sling you a free feed and Twitpic us your bored teammates sitting around Adelaide airport.  Less Confucius and Chopra, more apathy and narcissism, OK?

Want to make the people who think they matter happy H?  Try playing tighter on your man, ditch the destructive, exhilarating runs out of defence, and above all just spend every waking hour focused on the ‘Pies winning another bloody flag will ya!


Harry requests leave pass; ‘the world needs me coach’

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